Just because you’re an apostle, doesn’t mean the darts don’t hurt. Just because you have many that follow doesn’t mean you don’t feel like there is still so much more that you could do. In truth, this is the inner conflict of one called to be an apostle. An inner knowing that there is still so much more you can and should do.
You wrestle with yourself. You wrestle with the devil. You wrestle with God’s people and you wrestle with your failures. There is a long list of them along this journey. People you have hurt. Others you have let down. Family you failed. The list is endless.
Yet you have to still get up and do what God has called you to do. The passion within propels you. You cannot deny it. It is a fire shut up in your bones and there is no greater reward than knowing you are doing what God has called you to do. You crave those words, “My good and faithful servant” even though at times you know you do not deserve them.
There are so many that accuse apostles of their pride and failure, yet their voices are nothing compared to the inner wrestling any true apostle faces time and again. Paul is the echo of the words that run through our heads,
For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. (1 Corinthians 15:9-10 )
You and I both know that you do not stand here because of your perfection. If you are a true apostle, you do not carry the title because you feel you earned it. More often than not, you recognize “But by the grace of God!”
So if you are waiting for perfection before you stand in the authority that God has given to you, then you will wait a very long time. God has not called perfect vessels, He has called willing ones. Those who have the courage to get up time and again no matter how messed up you are. To get the healing. To go through the process. Above all… to get up again!
So Apostle, if you feel that there’s is still so much you have to learn, accomplish and do - you are not alone. Its a pretty common character flaw in us all. We see the work that we need to do in the Church and at times its overwhelming. You look at the piece you have to contribute and you wonder sometimes if you will truly make a difference.
Well, the one who called you will also finish what He started. The best part? We do not fulfil this purpose of our own volition. The hand of God is on you and He will pick you up again and again. No matter how much you run. No matter how much you fall. If you have been called to walk this office out, He will continue to pursue you to fulfil your purpose in His greater plan.
-Your Fellow Labor in Christ
On a Personal Note… Craig and I look forward to meeting those attending our apostolic workshop in Virginia in October! Everyone attending will be provided with name badges and have the opportunity to share and receive from us personally. We look forward to investing into your process.
Apostle Nathan Berry is taking calls from those interested to see if this workshop is in perfect time for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and give him a call and get the clarification you need!